I am the Zohan

Feast your eyes on the ultimate man:

I know what you're thinking - it's impossible to be that sexy. Maybe this is photoshopped. Maybe this is a figment of your imagination. Or maybe I just pulled off the impossible and you are aghast. Apologies for the limited groin flexibility. I was kind of going for the movie poster look here but my legs just don't snap out as much as I might like them to.

I toured town with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and a ghoul purporting to be an opera singer whose vocal chords exploded (or I might have made that explanation up to suit my own fancies). One thing I can say that I was kind of disappointed about - only like 4 people figured out who I was. How lame! I didn't think it was so hard to get, but what can I say about these New Yorkers. The Stay Puft dude had the City eating out of his hands though. He got cat calls and hollers and looks and random people taking photos with him. I was actually getting kind of jealous at one point, soon as my alcohol intake reached a level where I knew the evening would end badly for me. So it was kind of a two-fold disappointment: 1) Stay Puft is more popular than me, a lot more popular than me, this is like high school all over again, boo hoo; and 2) shit, I'm gonna be puking in an hour.

Opera dude took off around midnight because stuff got a little dry. But almost as soon as he was gone, Stay Puft and Zohan found themselves in some crazy-ass Halloween party which was an entire floor of a 14th St. walk-up converted into some sort of haunted house drink fest. This guy I know who has an obscene apartment basically converted the whole thing into a Halloween-themed attraction. It was ridiculous. I've seen decorations this heavy-duty at Brooklyn factory parties, but never at someone's place so central in Manhattan. Well done. There was even some naked dude chilling out, dancing and stuff. His junk was flopping around and it made me feel sad. I don't know why. I mentioned it to someone today and realized that I didn't think it was funny at all. I just thought he looked helpless and I pitied him. I'm not even making an underhanded reference to any size issues because I didn't take a close enough look to analyze it on that level.

The morning after I'm a mess:

I realize this picture makes my arms look really skinny. Damn, gotta hit up that gym some more.