Airporting

There's something amazing about leaving, the way you know that in a few hours you'll be in a different world, but at the same time, there you are with a Blackberry and email and it feels like you're just around the corner from where you were. This is the first time I'm going abroad with the Internet at my fingertips, and while I'm obsessed enough with email and communication that this is exciting for me, I also feel stressed out about it. Part of going away is really going away, not just physically but psychologically. And here I am holding onto home, to the place I'm leaving. I could always just turn the thing off, throw it in a corner and ignore it, but that seems sort of forced, like I'm forcing myself into a particular situation to create a mindset of disconnectedness. Then again, that's sort of what going away is in general, just us throwing ourselves into experience that, often, is kind of contrived. I can give you a hundred cliches of what I'm SUPPOSED to do in Amsterdam, so how much is this really about doing something unique? And so then if its not about that, than what's the big deal with keeping a trusty Blackberry at my side?

I'm thinking about this too much, I know. But you should know that it wasn't an easy decision for me to make, since I know my own tendency to grab at my pocket as soon as I feel that inviting vibration. I can live without it for a week or two, I actually welcome the opportunity, but shouldn't I also be confident enough with myself to just have it and use it at it is needed? If this thing ends up ruining any sort of escape I would have otherwise had, then its only because I let it.

Be strong man. Keep your hands out of your pockets. Check sparingly. Ignore the pull of the cyberverse. I think I can do this.