Auspicious

I used that word today - auspicious. A friend of mine invited me to join him at a divorcee party, something I've always wanted to go to. But on rejecting him, I added, "I feel auspicious today. Something important will happen." I get like that sometimes, struck with the feeling that the world is peeling itself back on the edges, exposing something I didn't notice or understand before, but that will be revealed for the simple reason that I am more aware than I have been. I'll be honest, sometimes the feeling is complimented by running into someone I haven't seen for a long time, or having a random person start talking to me and getting really deep about life. Who knows? Maybe it's all just coincidence. Maybe by allowing yourself to switch on you actually become aware of more things. It's like coincidence. Some people say its the world telling you something. Others just to chock it up to you being conscience of what your remembering, and forgetting everything else.

Am I making sense? I really don't know why I bring up the whole auspicious thing because, to be honest, that was a major bust. Nothing that can be characterized as "auspicious" actually happened tonight. Unless you count almost getting dragged into a fight with thungs because one of their "ladies" pushed a person who was in the group of people I was hanging out with. Then I had some jerk, who had to be like 200lbs., sporting a red jersey and gold chain, telling me that I needed to move. I was like, "Dude, chill out," and that just made him more angry, You have to be pretty f'in machismo to react negatively to a "chill out." I'm like trying to make peace and to move on with my life and he's freaking out that I don't want to fight. I don't think I'll ever get these people.

So I've hasd a week on the new job, and so far so good. As has always been my policy, I don't talk about work online. I'm going to stick with that. But since I've let everyone into the whole unemployed thing, I figure I owe it to you to let you know that things are going well. It's unreal how you can come to a new place and just feel as if a weight has been lifted, as if everything is so damn obvious that it's crazy that you actually had to put up with crap as long as you allowed yourself to. And that's all I have to say about that.

After very little sleep from Monday-Wednesday because of my stupid Dell, I'm still feeling the effects today. For the first time in what is maybe a year, I took a nap before going out and yet I'm still struggling to stay awake as I write this. Stupid Dell. Stupid PCs. I had two people tell me "I always took you as a Mac person." Yes I'm a Mac person, but I'm also cheap, or at least trying to save some money for something more significant than a cool computer. So you can't blame me for deciding to spend $500 instead of $1200+ when I needed to replace my broken laptop. Yeah, I guess the headaches and the time spent working on it ultimately prove that I made the wrong choice, but let's not get into the complexities of quantifying how much every hour of my free time is worth. Although shit, I kind of wish I had Garage Band and the sleekness of a little Apple logo whenever I popped open my laptop in a cafe. Right now I'm still that loser with a defective Dell who still looks like the corporate attorney that I used to be. Ha, corporate attorney. It seems so foreign already.

Shit, I gotta go to sleep.