Spanglish

I went home this weekend. Before I went home this weekend, I was certain that going home this weekend would provide me with an opportunity to focus on work. I have the same thoughts whenever I decide to go home for the weekend. Everytime I do go home for the weekend, I end up sitting around and watching hours of TV. This is both satisfying and frustrating.

It always starts out the same - me sitting in the living room with my parents. This time it started at 10p.m. At around 11, my mom dropped out. My dad thought he could roll with me, run alongside the hours I keep, but by 12 he was fading. As always, I was left alone in the living room, HBO on Demand in the palm of my hand.

After catching up on all the missed episodes of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," I decided to watch "Spanglish;" I can safely say it's one of my top 20-30 movies of all time (I have roughly 9 movies I'd rate a perfect 10, and another 20-30 I'd rate a 9; "Spanglish" falls into that 9 category).

I have a lot of good things to say about the film, such as how great all the actors were, and how well the story developed. But outside of its "artistic" value, I wanted to quickly discussed some real world notions it helped me realize (some spoilers ahead):

1. Nice guys get screwed - Adam Sandler's character is a top chef, a good dad, and a loving husband, but he gets screwed (his wife cheats on him). He has an opportunity to get a revenge of sorts (get together with the Spanish housekeeper), but chooses not to take it, which is what the nice guy would probably do. He ends up as the moral fiber of the film, but I question whether this was the right decision. Do nice guys cease being nice if they get back at the people that hurt them? I think it's always best to maintain the moral highground. If you're good to someone, and they hurt you, what do you really gain by getting back at them (in this example, sleeping with someone else in response to their cheating on you)? The assumption is that getting back at them will hurt them as they've hurt you, but beyond that, what's the result? What is the aim of hurting them back? What do you hope to accomplish? The way I see it, revenge in this scenario never works the way you want it to. For instance, if the person who hurts you is truly apologetic, getting revenge will only numb their apology and might delete it alltogether. Women especially would look upon the revenge, not as getting what they're due, but rather as justification for what they've done, even if the revenge comes after their act; they're irrational in this way (no offense girls). On the other hand, if the person who hurts you lacks remorse, then revenge loses all its value. Unless your looking to break yourself away from the person, in which case "revenge" serves the purpose of making you feel as if you don't care about them either; it's almost a way of showing yourself that your anger is stronger than your love. Of course, all this can backfire if the result of the revenge is incredible remorse for your actions, regardless of the actions of the person who hurt you. Overall, if it's a nice guy who decides to get revenge, he's often liable to feel this guilt even when the revenge might have been merited.

2. There's Something to be Said for Unrequited Love - the movie is great at building the sexual tension between Sandler and Vega (the house keeper). At first she can't even speak English, but as she learns, they begin to communicate better. In each other they find a person who can understand them, and they start to fall in love. In many scenes, Sandler and Vega seem on the verge of jumping each other, but totally resist it. At the climax, when Sandler finds out his wife has been cheating on him, he runs off with Vega to his restaurant, where they brief kiss and lie in each others' arms, contemplating their next move. Sex or no sex? Both have kids, both have responsibilities. Sandler can't help but love his wife even though she's insane. There's a moment where the two of them are sitting on a couch, holding each other, and he says something like, "don't go. As soon as our feet hit this floor we'll be thrown back to reality." They sit their, feet dangling. Vega looks at him, and says, "I love you." Then as he's about to say something he runs away. I discussed this scene with Ariel and he said he hated that they didn't get together, but I thought it was great. The final scene between them, when she's leaving her employment at his house, she hugs him, and as she's walking away, the gate closing behind her, she whispers, "mi amore."

It might be frustrating, but this is what would probably happen in real life under the film's circumstances. I understand the whole idea of following love and removing yourself from a bad situation, but Hollywood often ignores the role of responsibilities in decision-making, as well as the sanctity of the "what-if."

Granted I don't know how I'd react in a similar situation, but it seems to me that when you have kids, you gotta put your personal desires aside. As much as he might have wanted to run away with her, to try out their love, fact is he has a family with a woman he still loves, despite her insensitivity. I'm not saying kids can't grow up well in a divorced family, but the obvious best-case scenario is having a married mom and dad. I was glad to see him make a decision that he'd try to work on the relationship, rather than just surrendering to what felt right in the moment.

As for the "what-if," I think there's beauty in a pure love that has no chance to get tainted. The most Sandler and Vega do is kiss once, lie around together, and talk. Sex complicates things, and it is unnecessary to consumate your love for someone. Often, the more you love someone, the less you want to "taint" that love with various physical desires. Of course it's amazing to have sex with someone your in love with, but there's an incredible intensity in feeling that desire, and yet not acting on it. And what if they did get together? What then? Chances are, a relationship like that wouldn't have worked in the real world. Of course in real life the idea is that you should pursue love, even if it might cause heartbreak in the end. But in terms of the film, and the life positions of the characters in it, I think there's so much more power in those perfect moments that they have.

I've written on this topic before, but it's like the idea of the "love glance." You pass someone on the street, your eyes meet, and there's some weird connection. You can't take your eyes off each other, and in that moment there's a transmission of every possible future the two of you could have together. You get closer and closer to each other, transfixed, awed. And then you keep walking one way, and she walks past you. Neither of you turn around to look back at the other because the moment has passed. On the one hand, you can chase her down, find out more about her and who knows? On the other hand, the moment was perfect, infused with all the secrets of the world, so why ruin it? She can forever remain your perfect woman, because there was never time or opportunity for anything to go wrong. This is sad on one hand, because "hey, why not go for it?" But it's also magical.

3. I Have a Strange Attraction to Neurotic Women - Tea Leoni's charcter in the film is this off the wall, insane, neurotic, hyper, emotional mom. She's running around all over the place, butting in where she shouldn't, making remarks she should keep to herself, and being generally crazy.

What is it about her that I was strangely attracted to? I thought about it and came up with an idea. I'm a relatively balanced guy. I mean I get worked up about things, but I don't really get super angry or sad or excited. I've gotten "emotionally cold" plenty of times, but this is a misrepresentation, because I'm very emotional, I just don't exhibit it in typical ways. For instance, if I'm psyched about something, I'm not going to run around jumping up and down, although I will start talking really fast and won't shut up, yet all the while maintaining a relatively balanced demeanor. But there's something about neurotic and emotional women that catches me off guard. Maybe it's the intensity and the passion that just overwhelms me and knocks me off this perfect edge I walk on. Thing is, the passion and intensity aspect of it is what really gets me, and it just so happens that neurotic women tend to have both. I love it when someone has the power to make you question yourself, to become confused and dazed at their behavior, to push you out of the range of emotions your used to. Whenever I talk about love, I get excited about its ability to take you higher and lower than you've ever been before. It takes special people to be able to effect you in this way, and passion/intensity in someone's character plays a crucial role. Inevitably, my lust for this offers a lot of the "low" moments that come with the territory, but I can't help but feel it's worth it if you can make it work in the end. I'm a victim of circumstance; pity me.