Lately I've seen adds in bars (on beer coasters and in bathrooms) for Mitchum deodorant. If you don't know what I'm talking about, they're these simple little questions asked to determine if you're a Mitchum Man. Because I desperately want to be a Mitchum Man, for reasons I don't even understand, I thought I would feature all the questions I could come across and see what my answers would be:
If your only real fear is commitment, you’re a Mitchum Man.
It's one of my fears, so I'm giving myself 0.5 points.
If you’ve never left a game early to beat traffic, you’re a Mitchum Man.
I admit, I've left almost every game early, simply because my team has always lost or tied. No joke. I've been to like 12 sports games of home teams (Rangers, Knicks, Yankees, Mets) and I've only seen 2 ties, the rest were losses. The ties are the ones I stuck around to see through, hoping they'd be wins. It's not my fault my home teams suck when I come to watch them play. 0 points.
If you’ve ever eaten tortilla chip crumbs off your shirt, you’re a Mitchum Man.
Yummy. 1 point.
If you never forget your protection, you’re a Mitchum Man. (shows a condom)
Never ever. 1 point.
If they look real enough to you, you’re a Mitchum Man. (shows breasts)
... 1 point.
If you didn’t have anything to do with planning your wedding, you’re a Mitchum Man.
Not married, but when I do get engaged, I know I'm gonna be involved. 0 points.
If you ever fantasized about a hotel maid, you’re a Mitchum Man.
All the real maids aren't that sexy. But if you're talking about fantasizing about a fantasy maid, then 1 point.
If Menage a Trois is the only french term you know, you’re a Mitchum Man.
Formage. 0 points.
If you're waiting to go pee because you're talking to a girl, you're a Mitchum Man.
I'm pretty sure my bladder can hold at least a gallon. 1 point.
Final verdict - 5.5/9. Doesn't seem like I'm that much of a Mitchum Man which is a bit disappointing because I'm always looking to fit in. The results here closely mirror the results from the "Manhood Test" on their website, where I got 6/10. I don't really know what any of this is saying but I thought it was fun. I came up with a few "guy" questions of my own in an effort to define what being a "Gruvym Man" entails (get it? Groovin' + Ruvym = Groovym, a name I was called in high school). See how you do on this test:
1. If you've ever stayed up until 6a.m. playing video games, you're a Groovym Man.
2. If you've ever gotten up on 4 or less hours of sleep to go to the beach.
3. If you've ever told jokes that only you found funny and started laughing when no one else was.
4. If your favorite late-night, post going out meal is an egg white turkey omellete with wheat toast and hashbrowns.
5. If you'd take cider over beer any day of the week.
6. If you create an Eastern European alterego because you're bored at hitting on girls at a bar.
7. If you've ever gone to the gym on a Friday or Saturday night when everyone else is busy getting wasted.
8. If you refuse to let people help you move because you know it's annoying as hell.
9. If you can wear Speedo shorts (not the underwear) to go swimming.
10. If you wear the pastel green "beach outfit" your mom got you because you know she thought it was the coolest thing she'd ever seen.
11. If you refuse to take medicine even when you're sick.
12. If you love wearing cool looking hand-me-downs because it saves you money on clothes.
13. If you'd rather go to a bar to chat with your buddies about life than to "scope out the ladies."
14. If you memorize the lyrics to rap songs so you can put on a show for your friends at a club.
15. If you still remember facts from your AP European History exam taken in 10th grade.
16. If you're always the last to find out anything.
17. If you get annoyed when people announce "that's funny" instead of just laughing.
18. If you'd wear a sideways turned baseball cap and sunglasses to a dark bar or club just so you can mimic people you can't stand.
19. If you'd take Gatorade over water after exercise.
20. If you've asked people to walk on your back in lieu of a massage.
How'd you do? Let me know if you actually took the time to figure it out.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
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4 comments:
15 out of 20. That's a 75%. I would have finished stronger, but those swimming questions did me in. I can't swim, and never wear a "swimming outfit". I also haven't tried the turkey omlette. Guess I need to learn how to swim and try turkey omlettes before I become a Groovym Man. Not much of a Mitchum Man either.
Mitchum Man - 6/9
Groovym Man - 12/20
When would you have have the desire to wear sunglasses and a hat to a bar with the sole purpose of making fun of someone?
This is a great idea and, as is our blogging relatiosnhip, I am stealing it. You will have to come take my quiz later today or tomorrow. I'll need a catchy name...
I admit the swimming question is a little particular, but I couldn't resist including it. To learn to swim, I recommend putting on those plastic wings, they really work although note that they are not registered life saving devices.
The cap and glases came up when I was in Cancun last spring break. I couldn't help being annoyed by all those guys who dressed like that, clones of each other. So to "fit in," I dressed like them and made sure to never smile. Even though I felt like a turd, it was fun.
Steal the test! I'll be looking forward to taking yours when you get a chance to put it up.
7.5/9 Michum
11/20 Groovym
Guess I'm only half of a Groovym Man...
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